I always struggled to hear the voice of God.
I often heard people talk about receiving Divine Guidance and wondered, why can they hear it and I can’t?
I grew up in a Christian home–Anglican–so I was religious but not spiritual. There is a big difference for those of you who don’t know. Religion is a set of dogmas, rituals and beliefs you are told to follow. Spirituality is something everyone instinctively feels. It is our true nature and doesn’t need to be taught. But when we grow up in an environment where we are told what to think, we forget how to do it on our own.
Hence my problem. I was raised being told how to pray, how to act, how to be a good Christian. My religion taught me to speak to God but I didn’t know God was supposed to speak back. That would be crazy! I didn’t understand that prayer was a conversation. I thought prayer was me giving God my requests and “thank you for my blessings”. I figured God stopped talking to people a long time ago.
I also thought I wasn’t worthy of being spoken to by God. He spoke to Ezekiel, Elijah and Isaiah, but why would He speak to me? He spoke to Priests and Deacons then they got the message across to the masses because they understood something we didn’t. I essentially gave my power away, not understanding that God speaks to everyone, all the time. We are just so used to shutting Her out that we can’t hear Her anymore.
So when did I finally hear this elusive voice?
A few months ago I got the call from my fiance′ that his father passed away. He had been in hospital for a while but his decline was sudden and unexpected.
I was in such a state of distress that I couldn’t focus my mind. I knew I needed to go be with my partner (he was six hours away by train) but I didn’t know what to do first. My brain was scattered and panicked. I remember going downstairs and washing the dishes–something I do when I am anxious–and trying to figure out a plan of action.
Eventually I managed to book myself a train ticket, pack a bag and get in the shower. I remember thinking as I let the warm water fall on my face, “what am I going to say when I see him?” “how will I feel?” All these thoughts fluttered around in my head at lightning speed. Just as the thought, “now I have to travel six hours alone before I get to him” entered my mind, I heard it:
You Are Never Alone.
Where did that come from? Who spoke? I know it wasn’t my voice because it interrupted my thought pattern.
It was clear and calm.
Not commanding but a simple and profound presence.
I can’t explain it but I know I didn’t think those words.
This was the voice of God, or The Divine. Him, Her, whatever you want to call It.
But I heard it.
And it was beautiful.
It is amazing how much comfort those words gave me in that moment. All my anxiety melted away and I felt blessed more than humanly possible. It was as though someone was carrying the weight of my pain and wrapping me in their love.
I haven’t heard that voice so clearly since, but I have learned to listen.